Tuesday, December 21, 2010
It can be a trying time for a people hater like me.
But, I brave those crowds. And of all the people that earn my disdain, this year it's the greeters. On more than several occasions, this holiday season, these purveyors of salutations have failed at their sole duty. I can understand if a large swarm of people come ripping through the doors like cattle. Perhaps a calf gets by without receiving a word of welcome. However, when I walk in 15 feet behind the person in front of me, I expect a friendly how-do-ya-do. That's your only job! Person walks in, you say "hello", stand and wait for the next person to enter. That's it. Call it a day.
Now, I don't even want your damned greeting.....
NO! I DO! I want your greeting more than anything else in the world.
He'll get your asses in line.
Monday, November 15, 2010
1. Only 3 newsworthy things happen after midnight. Either someone has been shot, something is on fire, or somewhere has been robbed.
2. The human body is meant to be asleep at night. You can alter that, but it'll fight you.
3. The human mind is meant to be asleep at night. You can sleep during the day, but it doesn't stop the hallucinations.
4. There's a purple octopus that lives in the tape archive. His name is Russell. He's a swell guy.
5. I have reached a shade of pale that I didn't realize was humanly possible. Seriously, I put vampires to shame.
Despite these life lessons, I will miss the fine folks that I got to work with on the overnight shift.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I know I'm a little late to the party, but I would like to use this post to address Mr. Brett Favre...Farve...Favrve....
I'll just call him Bretty.
Oh, Bretty. What have you done? Sending pics of the little gunslinger is never a good idea. And we all know you did it. You wanna know how we know? Because you haven't denied doing it. This "I'm not going to discuss it" stance doesn't help you.
Now, I've never cheated on my wife. And, I've never sent pictures of my swizzle to anyone. So I can (with some certainty) say that if someone accused me of doing either (or both), my first reaction would be to profess immediately that I most certainly did not. That's how I know you did it. Innocent men don't calculate their responses.
Admit you did it. Take your lumps. I think a fitting punishment would be that you have to receive unsolicited penis pics on your phone for a year. And retire, too. I'm tired of hearing about you.
What really cheeses me is that this is just another case of a philandering athlete. And we, as America, really love the tabloidy BS of it all, but we don't realize we are becoming desensitized to how horrible this behavior is. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Bretty... the list of unfaithful athletes grows and we don't seem to care. It's just part of the "culture of being a sports star".
Meanwhile, countless loving gay and lesbian couples (including some friends of the Wind) aren't allowed, under the law, to express their commitment in the form of marriage. The main excuse given is usually that it would undermine the sanctity of the institution of marriage. I don't see how homosexuals would undermine it anymore than some of my fellow heteros already have.
But, the Devil's Wind is not just a means of complaint, so I offer a solution. How about we allow homosexual marriage? Because people who love each other deserve that right, no matter their orientation. But, to preserve the sanctity of marriage, we disallow athlete marriage. They don't seem to understand how it's supposed to work, anyway.
Now, to hop back down from my soap box...
Who wants a fart joke?
Thursday, September 16, 2010
As time went by, I became more comfortable with my future bride. As such, perhaps a tee shirt was acceptable. Still, if we were to go out, I'd put on a nicer pair of jeans (perhaps a collared shirt).
Fast forward to last weekend. The Wife and I had been hanging around the homestead. We were dressed to relax, when we decided to go out to a female targeted cinematic tale (aka, chick flick). I realized just how comfortable I am with the love of my life, when I asked if I should bother changing my clothes. I think my actual words were:
"Do I have to put on good pants?"
We went slovenly, and it was blissful.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
1. Not jumping on the coffee table, when she sees a spider.
2. Realizing that, if it wanted to get to her, the spider could climb the table.
Last night, as I was getting ready for work, she came across a few spiders. Despite not being fond of them myself, I have come to the realization that it is my job to take care of arachnid disposal.
As I removed the intruders from our home, my wife looked at me from atop the table and said, "That's why I love you, you kill bugs for me."
Me: That's why?
Wife: And you open jars for me. Oh, and cuz' you love me so much.
Me: In that order? Kill bugs, open jars, pledge my undying love?
Me: Good to know.
Wife: Plus you're cute. So, ya know, I got something to look at while you kill bugs and open them jars.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
For our honeymoon, the Wife and I ventured out to San Francisco. Despite her catching a cold on the way out, we have several wonderful memories of our visit. This is not one of them.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Last week, I bought a new fancy phone. I played with it all day Friday to learn how to operate it (also because, I downloaded a fart sound application). The next morning, I allowed the Bride-to-Be to gaze upon it. She was playing around with it and asked my thoughts on it.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The children are not only carrying substantial amounts of gold, they are flashing it around like a rap video. Sure, I've seen all the video on the news of the suffering of the Haitian people, but with that kind of bank, I'd imagine it'd be pretty easy to fake.
Either that, or the people of Haiti haven't figured out that they can trade all that gold for goods and services. Who's the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere now? (I'm looking at you Canada)
In all reality, if you do want to give, HERE is a link to Matthew 25 Ministries. They are one of many great organizations with efforts to help Haiti in its time of need.
Thanks to Shawn for sending me the ad.
Friday, January 08, 2010
I understand that when you go out to the bar or club you want to look nice and try to find you a fella (perhaps you just want to feel pretty). However, as the temperatures go near and below freezing, bundle up a bit. Wear a jacket. Find yourself a nice outfit with sleeves and pant legs. You don't always have to slut it up. As a once single man myself, I can guarantee that the guys will still find you attractive. What they won't find attractive is your stump, after your frostbitten leg has been amputated. Well most of them anyway, some people may be into stumps.
Take care of yourselves, ladies. I worry.
Friday, January 01, 2010
That's right! Friggin' fake mustaches for a mere fifty cents. But looking into my pocket contents, guess what I found. Only one quarter, because I wasted my other one on a Cincinnati parking meter that didnt' work. Which would have been fine, except the dick head meter made, J. Thomas, still gave me a ticket. So I got a ticket and did not have the funds for a fake mustache.