Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Random Shower Thought #16

Isn't every dish "microwavable", as long as it fits in the microwave? The problem is whether or not the dish and/or microwave can still be used afterward. Frozen dinner items should call for the food to placed on a "microwave repeatable" dish.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Post Valentine's Love Tip

Dear Kevin,
My girlfriend and I go out to dinner on a frequent basis. But, when I ask her where she wants to go, she always responds with, "I don't care." How do I get her to actually tell me where she wants to go.
Guy Madeupforthispost

Dear Guy,
I feel your pain. Sure, she doesn't care where you go out, then she complains when you've eaten the Godzilla burger at Habit's for the sixth time in seven days.

The next time you ask your girl where she wants to go, and she replies that she doesn't care, don't get frustrated. Instead, drive to the nicest restaurant you know. When she is getting excited, continue driving behind the place. Find the dumpster and tell her that you'll be eating out of it. Then you proceed to get out and climb in the dumpster. When she tells you to stop fooling around, because she's hungry, you find a food item and eat it in front of her.

She will rethink her cavalier restaurant attitude, while you get your stomach pumped.

I would like to say, as an addendum, that this is just a joke. Don't eat out of a dumpster. Also, I love my girlfriend, and she should in no way take issue with this. I'm just joking, baby. I love you.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Gotta Get An Upgrade.

Perhaps I was inspired by the DirectTV commercial with Beyonce (I honestly didn't know it was an actual song until looking it up for the previous link). But I felt it was time to upgrade the Devils Wind a bit.

No. I just couldn't sleep, and wasted that time fooling around in the settings, rather than be productive.

Enjoy the new look, but keep comin' back for the same ol' drivel.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Never Invite People Over For The "NFL Championship"

I decided to have folks over for the Super Bowl.

I think that's how Hemingway would start a story. I could be wrong.

I decided to have folks over for the Super Bowl. A few friends to watch the big game. It all went well. UNTIL!!! As my girlfriend's friend was leaving, a crock pot was dropped. Dropped, as it may be, onto the coffee table. The coffee table happened to have my phone sitting on it. Cracking the sreen.

This cracked screen rendered my phone utterly useless.

The next day, I took my phone to the local Sprint store. I told them the story. They told me that I had insured the phone and it would be replaced. However, they had to order the replacement. Thinking that my phone would be replaced as is, I had no problem with that.

About an hour after leaving the Sprint store, the lady I had dealt with called me. She informed me that black was not a viable option in colors Sprint could provide in replacement. The conversation went like this:

Me: Hello?
Lisa: Mr. K......?
Me: This is he, although it is actually "Mr. K..r....?
L: I just wanted to make sure you understood that with the policy you own on the phone that it would be replaced with whatever is available. That means you will get a green phone when you come back in.
Me: Well, I don't like that. I bought a black phone. I insured a black phone. I want my phone replaced with a black phone.
L: I understand. Let me see if there is an unclaimed black phone in your model in the back.

Why she didn't do this step (while I was there) baffles me. I digress...

Upon returning:

L: Mr. K..r....
M: Yes?
L: I'm sorry but we can only replace your phone with the green phone.
M: There's nothing else?
L: No.
M: Alright. I don't like it, but if that's all you can do, then that's all you can do.

It would have ended there. But this is what I got


I walked into the Sprint store two days later. I told them my predicament, and the lady went to grab my phone. The following ensued:

Sprint Lady (I apologize, but I did not get her name): Sir?

Me: Yeah?

SL: Are you aware that your phone will be green?

M: Unfortunately.....Yes.

Time went by, as she transferred my contacts....

SL: Do you like green?

M: I like several greens. I don't like this one.

SL: It is a girly green.

M: You aren't really helping.

SL: Well, at least, it isn't pink.

M: Yeah. Thanks.

This tells me that the only color worse than "hideous green" that my phone could be is pink. Except that my phone isn't offered in pink. It is offered in black. It is offered in blue. AND IT IS OFFERED IN LIME GREEN. Which means that the fine folks at LG had a conversation that I can only imagine went as such:

Head guy: I like this Rumor that you developed. What colors are we thinking about?

Research and Development guy: We have black.

HG: I need at least two other colors.

RnD Guy: Blue?

HG: Okay. One more.

RnD Guy: Uh.....Green?

HG: That's it!!!!!

(I got my horrible green phucking phone, and drove about seeing so many shades of phreaking green that would be okay to have as a phone color. I can only imagine the rest of the conversation went as such):

RnD guy: What shade of green, sir?

HG: I don't know. A shade of green that will make the teenage girls swoon? What shade of green is a Jonas brother's shit?