Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Evolution of Justice

Kate the Great has Katology on her blog. Obviously I could (as she requests) fill out my own The Kevinology, but I'm too lazy to do so. But the following question caught my attention.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?

My answer: If granted immunity, I would kill Fergie. Hell keep the money, I'll do it for free. I'm not even sure I need the immunity. Playing the "music" of Ms. Ferguson for any judge would most likely ensure my freedom.

Upon hearing this my friend B-rye suggested using her own CD as the murder weapon.

Now, I'm not sure murder is necessary. She'd probably go to hell, and they'd obviously be playing her CD on a loop, and her ego would get even bigger.

I guess shoving a broken shard of her CD into both of her ear drums (to simulate what her music does to the rest of the hearing world) would suffice.

Until that time, here's a picture of her peeing herself on stage.

Justice begins......


Several folks are upset with WWE for their decision to air a 3 hour special celebrating the career of Chris Benoit, who was found dead of an apparent suicide, after having apparently murdering his wife and young son. In defense of World Wrestling Entertainment, it is not unprecedented to pay tribute to an apparent killer.

Here are just a few of the many shows to do so:

Overhaulin' salutes Rae Carruth
MTV Rockumetary: Marvin Gaye's Dad
BBC celebrates Jack the Ripper
The Bozo Show featuring John Wayne Gacy
Psychic Friends Network's "Zodiac Killer Variety Hour"
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Manson.
Beretta reruns
Good Eats tribute to Jeffery Dahmer
Sports Century: OJ

Addendum: In a rare serious tone for the Devil's Wind, this post is by no means, meant to make light of the tragedy surrounding the Benoit family. Instead, it is to make fun of the tasteless way Vince McMahon and the rest of WWE handled the situation. No doubt, Benoit was phenomenal at what he did, but to pay tribute to a guy who appears to have killed his wife and son is utter insanity. Next time....I don't know....air a rerun.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Games I Like to Play #3.

I've noticed that as I enjoy round after round of cold beers, I also have to urinate more frequently. So I came up with the Restroom Football. The rules are as follows.

1. The goal is to pee in the same receptacle (urinal or toilet) every time you go to the restroom. Doesn't seem that tough, huh? Try this at a crowded bar.

2. In the event that your goal toilet is taken during a trip you can call an audible. The audible means that you can use a different receptacle, however during subsequent trips you must attempt to use each and every receptacle in the restroom. Obviously larger restrooms present themselves as tougher opponents.

3. If you've gone for the audible, and it's doubtful that you'll use the restroom enough times to get to each receptacle, you can go for the Hail Mary. To accomplish this you must use each receptacle in one visit. That's right, go a little, pinch it off, go to the next one, until you've used them all (yes, I'm insane). I don't suggest the Hail Mary if there are others in the restroom, but that's totally up to you.

Restroom Football aside, test your urinal ettiquette here.

Random Shower Thought #4.

The Bat Signal wouldn't work if it's not cloudy.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Eh...I Bought It To See Barry Weintraub Anyway.

I was at Meijer the other night because a needed some milk. Alot of times after I grab what will soon my my milk, I will walk by the DVDs to peruse the newest in stock. That's when I came across this....
Comedy Club Greats!!! How could I pass this up, and for only $10? I could tell the clips would be a little older ( since Sandler hasn't done stand-up for years, and Atell actually had hair), but these guys are greats. So I get home, pour a glass of milk, and put this newly found gem in the player. So Sandler is first, and I'd forgotten that his stand-up wasn't really the greatest, but still pretty funny for the most part. Then I sit through about 9 comics I've never heard of (okay actually it's 8, because I have heard of Mark Schiff, but not during the past decade). Then we get to Dave Attell, who is one of my favorite comics. Alot of his segment was jokes of his that I'd heard before, but still good.

Then we get to Seinfeld. Awesome....or so I thought. The voice over guy says "and now Jerry Seinfeld!", and he comes to the stage tells two jokes. Then it goes to a shot of Grauman's Chinese Theater, and the voice over guy says "Well that's it for now, but be on the look out for more editions of Comedy Club Greats!"

What!?!?!? He only got through two jokes! I could tell he was planning on telling more and probably did. But I will never know, because the fine folks at Lionsgate felt it only necessary to share two Seinfeld jokes with the audience. It's always better not to feature too much of the best known comedian of the bunch on your comedy DVD. He's at the top of the damn cover! That should be some sort of hint that you should put more of him in your little presentation!!!!!!!!!

Through my rage I was able to regain focus. I went back and timed just how long Seinfeld was actually shown. One minute and thirty four seconds! I guess the 95th second would've been too much to stand. Then I looked down and saw this....
This is somewhat false advertising. Because I can tell you the laughs sure as sh** stopped after a mere 94 seconds of Seinfeld.

I guess they need to cut down the run time in order to get all 7 minutes and 11 seconds of Bob Rubin's act on the disc.

"Who's Bob Rubin?", you may ask. My answer is "EXACTLY!!!!"

I can tell you this, I will not be on the look out for more editions of Comedy Club Greats.

Why the Change?

A friend at work asked me for a dime for the coffee machine at work. All I had was a quarter, so he gave me the 15 cents that he'd already gathered (as I type this, I've just learned that the cent sign is not present on the keyboard.) Looking at the nickel, we first thought it was Canadian, but no, we have new nickels.

Well, not too new. It is a couple of years old. But did the nickel need a facelift? I mean hell it's taken me two years to notice a difference. Were there lots of nickel counterfeiters and we needed a new design? Damn you, nickel counterfeiters.

But it doesn't end there. I guess this design wasn't good enough. The nickel counterfeiters of the world were not detered for very long because the design was changed once again the next year. The NC's are quite the crafty bunch.

A little less creepy than the other extreme close-up version. But I do wonder why they asked TV's Dr. House to play Jefferson. He's a good actor and all, but couldn't the U.S. Mint hire an American to portray T.J. on our five cent piece?