Monday, September 24, 2007

Boob Tube

I bought a new tv. It's a 40 inch flat panel made by Polaroid. It's pretty awesome, except when I turn it on I have to shake it and blow on it.

Now that I have this portal to the world of broadcast, I got Direct TV. I haven't had cable for almost 4 years, and thought that I should have more than 3 channels (5 on a clear day). Now, I find myself mesmerized by the fact that I have over 200 channels and apparently feel the need to try to watch all of them.

Cinemax is one of them. I don't nessecarily watch Cinemax, as much as I just flip it over on occasion to see if I can catch a glance of boobies (I also seem to lose maturity when it comes to this subject). Here's the deal, boobs are like one of my Top 10 favorite things to look at....Top 5....Top 3.....Hell, they ARE the Top 2.

And ladies, I'm gonna let you know, the size doesn't matter. It's really more proximity. A small pair that's close to me beats a large pair far away every time.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

That's Nutty.

I was looking at a can of delicious Planter's peanuts and something hit me. Mr. Peanut is not the lovable legume icon we've been led to believe.

Think about it. He's a peanut, but what does he do for a living. He endorses a company that sells peanuts for consumption. He's turned his back on his own kind just to make a quick buck. I know that top hat and monocle are supposed to make me think he's sophisticated, but they are a poor disguise. I see your true self Mr. Peanut.

But he's not alone....

Mr. Frostee....Selling your ice cream brethren. To children no less....for shame.
Mayor McCheese....I know hamburgers are tasty. I don't need you selling out your own people to get me to want one. I'm even more disgusted that the voting public keeps re-electing you, despite your treachery.

Kool-Aid Man.... You're actually a punch bowl with Kool-Aid in it. So technically you're not selling out your kind. However, you are very adamant about getting folks to drink your blood, which is just creepy. OH NOOOO! Then there's the Famous Dave's pig. Wow! Will you stop at nothing to get a spot in the lime light? I mean the other guy's just turned their backs. But your lust for fame has turned you evil. Not only are you cooking other pigs for the public, but it appears as though you may also be looking to enjoy some of those ribs. Cannibalism does not suit you pig....I just doesn't suit you.

Having said all this I would now like to proudly anounce that I have become the newest spokesperson for Nerds candy.

Sorry Brothers......