Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Egg Snog

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is a cute little song about a kid walking in on his dad (dressed as St. Nick) giving his mom a little smooch under the mistletoe.

But, when you're a kid, and you still believe Santa is real....well... then, mom is just a common whore.
Zip your pants, whore.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Seasons Greetings

Trying to shop anytime between Thanksgiving and Christmas can certainly put a strain on my good will toward man. But, seeing as I want to give gifts (or in some cases buy life sustaining foodstuffs), I will occasionally venture into the retail world.

It can be a trying time for a people hater like me.

But, I brave those crowds. And of all the people that earn my disdain, this year it's the greeters. On more than several occasions, this holiday season, these purveyors of salutations have failed at their sole duty. I can understand if a large swarm of people come ripping through the doors like cattle. Perhaps a calf gets by without receiving a word of welcome. However, when I walk in 15 feet behind the person in front of me, I expect a friendly how-do-ya-do. That's your only job! Person walks in, you say "hello", stand and wait for the next person to enter. That's it. Call it a day.

Now, I don't even want your damned greeting.....

NO! I DO! I want your greeting more than anything else in the world.
Maybe, I'll ask Santa for just that.

He'll get your asses in line.