Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Legend Of Neck Beard.

First off, let me apologize for the lack of posts recently. For those of you who've bought a house, please explain to those who haven't, just how utterly time consuming/frustrating/brain draining it can be. I would literally sit down with a few spare minutes and a post in mind, and as soon as I my fingers hit the keys.....BLANK.

Anyway, on to the story.

The Girlfriend and I start looking for a place to live in sin back in April. By July, we had been through several dozen homes and really liked two of them (only to have those two snatched away from us). We took the July 4th weekend off to travel to Tennessee. TG pointed out that I hadn't shaved in a few weeks (which is about how long I can go without shaving, before she starts complaining. She is rather tolerant). I, then and there, declared that I was going to grow a playoff-style beard. I was not going to shave until we found our house.

This was done in the hopes that it would encourage her to be a little less picky with houses that I thought were perfectly fine. It soon back fired.

Here's the thing about playoff beards. Hockey players grow playoff beards. They also play on ice. Football players, sometimes, stop shaving when they get into the playoffs. Said playoffs happen in the winter. It is ill advised to try to grow facial hair in the dead of summer, especially when you are not used to having a lot of facial hair. I thought I should be fine: a)because we shouldn't take that long to find a home, and b) I can't grow a lot of facial hair anyway. What little hair I can grow, grows not upon my chin, but rather upon my neck. Which is, actually, somewhat fitting in the sense of it being a playoff beard.

After about a month, I was starting to look like a high schooler growing a beard for the first time (a look that wouldn't improve much with time). Even worse, it was extremely itchy. TG found this fact quite amusing. She would ask if I wanted to shave. I'd say no. I'd start scratching. She'd laugh.

Damn. This was gonna be tougher than I'd originally thought. But as it grew shaggier and itchier, she just laughed harder, telling me that I could shave at any time. But I was not to be deterred. Plus, somewhere along the line, I started to grow attached to my new neck beard. I unknowingly stroked it like a prospector philosopher.

Then, it happened, in late August (after having gone through more than 70 homes) we found a house that we liked. We made an offer and (with a bit of haggling) our offer was accepted! This was exactly what we wanted. But that day, I was told the beard had to go. I tried to explain that I should keep it until closing. However, I was reminded that my original intention was to only keep it until we had an offer excepted.

And like little buddy made of neck hair was gone. And my chin and neck were cold for a week, and a single tear rolled down Kyle Orton's cheek.

Sometimes, if I close my eyes tight and listen really hard, I can hear him just under the skin. And, I know that some day, we will be together again.