Pip Pip

In just a little over a week I will be travelling to England with my friend Kate to visit our other friend Deener. I recently learned that they don't have peanut butter. How do you trust a nation without peanut butter.

Here are some other facts that I just learned about England that don't sit well with me:
1. They've never heard of orthodontia.
2. They do not use the word "the".
3. 3 men in downtown London go from home to home at night and steal little pieces of your soul.
4. No indoor plumbing.
5. Every single one of them has a tattoo of Alan Alda (TV's Hawkeye Pierce).
6. They call sausage "bangers", and they call pork chops "sperm dumpsters".
7. The Beatles actually aren't British. They were a band from New Jersey that the country of England hired to pretend they were British, so that England would seem cool.
8. If you can't swim, they push you into a pool. After you've drowned, they eat your heart.
9. You're not allowed to laugh between 3pm and 6:57pm.
10. They smell like cabbage and feet.