Sunday, October 29, 2006

Don't Aim So High.

I mentioned in the previous post the phrase "mind the gap". While in London I probably heard this phrase appoximately 7563 times....on Monday. For those of you unaware, it is repeated over the PA in the tube (subway). A very pleasant British robot lady repeats it at every stop to remind us to watch our steps as we get on and off of the train. It's lovely.

What is not lovely is public restrooms in London. Not that they are dirty (usually just the opposite), and it's not necessarily the case in all of them, but there is a problem when utilizing the trough. Being a big sports fan, and having gone to many UT games, I am used to the idea of the trough. For those of you unfamiliar, rather than having several urinals, some establiments catering to larger crowds employ a large trough that you have to just go up to and pee. No privacy. I'm not sure but my guess is that trough technology is somewhat new to the UK. I come to this conclusion, simply because every time I was at one, I got peed on. Not directly, but I couldn't help but feel tiny little tinkle droplets hit the side of my arm whenever there was someone next to me. This would then lead me to have to scrub my arms down like an ER doctor when I washed my hands.

My solution?

Men of the UK. We understand the need for troughs in certain establishments. We Americans are happy to stand side by side with you and make water. Just a few suggestions, though. First, aim lower. Try to have your stream hit the point where the side and the bottom meet. Second, lower the pressure. I understand you want to hurry, so as not to miss part of the game. But you guys have to relax. You all have some violent streams. Stop forcing it and just allow it to come out naturally. I'm afraid you're going to hurt yourselves. My final solution, perhaps a PA annoucment. Much like when I get on the elevator and hear "mind the doors", or when I'm on the tube and hear "mind the gap", perhaps we could get the same lady with the pleasant voice to remind us to "mind your splatter."

1 comment:

Denae said...

hilarious post, kev. forgot about the problem of the splatter.