I've been dealing with a small cold as of late. Nothing bad, just congestion in the mornings and a few uncontrolable coughing fits. Unfortunately, the congestion led to today's adventure.
Because I could barely breathe through my nose, I slept most of the evening with my mouth open. This lead to my lips being extremely dry and chapped this morning... Still reading? Let's continue. So now it feels like tiny demons are clawing into my lips. So I figured while I was out I'd stop at the grocery store to find some sort of treatment. Luckily, Meijer has an entire "Lip Therapy" section. Who knew? I was going to just buy some chap stick, but I thought that might just be preventative. If only I'd had it last night. But plenty of other options. The problem then became the names. Blistex....hmmm, I don't have a blister. Herpecin....not even touching that one. Then my eyes fell on Carmex, seems innocent enough. I read the back for uses, and while cold sores and blister were listed, soothing dry and chapped lips is as well. I have dry and chapped lips, and I want them soothed. Perfect.
So I grab the Carmex, and go get a can of Kool-Aid mix (that's right, I'm a child). It wasn't until I was looking for a check-out lane that something caught my eye. Somehow, I'd missed in large lettering on the actual container "FOR COLD SORES". That's right, all caps as well. Just wanting to get out of there, I figured I'd find the shortest line and get it over with quick. Aisle 8, just two people together, not too many objects in their cart, Perfect!
Unbenounced to me, this couple apparently hadn't been shopping any time within the last 30 years. They apparently didn't understand what the big conveyor belt leading to the register was for, because they opted to hand each item individually to the cashier. They, also, apparently just see items they desire and throw them in the buggy. I can only assume this, because they felt the need to check the price of each item before handing it to the cashier. Meanwhile I'm standing there feeling the judging eyes of everyone who is accumulating behind me, as they gaze at the now stationary conveyor belt which is where my "don't kiss stripper" balm is lying. Finally they finish, pay and move forward. The cashier scans my Carmex and Kool-Aid, however when I move to swipe my card, guess who has yet to move entirely from the aisle and is blocking the card swipe machine. That's right, Mr. and Mrs. 1934. I politely say "excuse me", and Mrs. 1934 glances over her shoulder, rolls her eyes, and reluctantly takes all of the two steps it took to not impede the completion of my transaction.
I step out of the store. Ahhh, freedom. Better get in the truck, before judging eyes get out here. I get in the truck and open the balm to finally soothe my cracked and painful lips. Dammit! Now I remember why I didn't put chapstick on in the first place. It feels like I've just gone to McDonalds and asked the cook to rub a freshly fried burger patty on my lips. Seriously, now all I can think about is how greasy my lips feel. Ladies, I don't know if this is what lipstick feels like, but if it is, don't feel you have to where lipstick to impress me anymore. It would explain why you all blot so much.
There is an upside to the entire thing. I've learned that rasberry lemonade flavored Kool-Aid rocks. Silver lining.