Friday, January 23, 2009

...Or Get Off The Pot.

I've regaled you all with the story of attempted porn sales at the local watering hole. Well last night was not that exciting, but still strange.

I was sitting at the bar with a friend, enjoying an ice cold Coors Light, when a rather large individual sat a couple stools down from me. After what I have been told were strange conversations he had with some of the other bar patrons, he zeroed in on me. The following ensued:

Large Guy: Do I know you?
Me: I don't think so. I'm Kevin.
LG: Where did you grow up? (I'd like to point out that a normal introduction would involve him telling me his name. This conversation, however, was anything but normal.)
Me: Tennessee.
LG: What part?
Me: Near Knoxville.
LG: I used to live in Nashville. I went to Tennessee State.
Me: I went to UT.
LG: Really!?!? Do you know where Paxton Avenue is?

I should stop at this point to tell you that he wasn't speaking of a Paxton in Nashville or Knoxville. He was talking about Paxton which just a few blocks from the bar, but he never explained why he was asking.

Me: Yeah. Sure.
LG: I know where I know you. I sold you a joint once.
Me: Nope. I can guarantee that you've never sold me a joint.
LG: Really? Do you wanna buy a joint.
Me: No thanks.
LG: You're not a cop are you?
Me: No.
LG: Oh. Then, can I give you a joint?
Me: No thanks. I don't smoke weed.
LG: Oh. I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore.

At the point, he turns back to the bar for just about a second or two. Then he turns back to me with a look of realization and fear.

LG: You're not gonna get me arressted are you?
Me: No. You're fine.
LG: You won't call the cops?
Me: No. It's ok.
LG: Thanks.

I couldn't help but feel that this was the worst attepted drug deal ever. I have to admit that my knowledge of drug deals is quite limited. In fact, I would have to say that any knowledge I do have is from movies, so I could be completely misled. But I would think that you should lead with, "Are you a cop?" And then, if the answer is no, perhaps follow up with, "Do you smoke weed?" This could save everyone involved some time (although, then it wouldn't give me great blog fodder).

I think that persistence is a good sales technique. Don't take "no" for an answer. But, I don't think that the result of several "no's" should be to try to give the product away. Although, if it was a valid sales technique, I would totally be on my way to a car dealership right now.

First porn, now Pot. Why doesn't a taco salesman ever show up? Then I might mak a purchase.

1 comment:

Jason said...

This man should seriously watch Glengarry Glenn Ross and improve his salespitch.